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Lochte appears on first glance to be a beautiful catastrophe, the likes of which has not seen since Jessica Simpson made befuddled musings over chicken and tuna on MTV’s “Newlyweds.”

Lochte is mesmerizing, and not just because he’s got a way with pickup lines and tightly fitting T-shirts and says his life “is like a Seinfeld.”

He makes up words like “enfidence” — which is similar to “emphasis” but with added moxy — and “recipitate,” which is indescribable.

He’s managed to take a career in swimming — a sport people generally care about for about eight days in a four year period — and make himself a brand. A whole brand built around the perception that he has nary a brain cell to spare.

As it turns out, he’s a charming fellow with an especially good relationship with his mom, and a desire to help out charitable causes.