I had made it through the first few weeks. The physical exhaustion was beginning to overcome the mental fatigue, and all I wanted was a long night’s sleep.

But it wasn’t easy.

Randy had been sick from cancer for a few months now, but even after a week, the news that my coach of 13 years was being moved to palliative care still took up a majority of my consciousness.

I thought about it in the silence of our hotel room, at the pool, lap after lap, and almost everywhere in between.

It left me with a series of questions: How would his family cope? What would our future hold? And, most importantly, how would Randy swallow that kind of news? How does anyone stay sane knowing his death is imminent?

I told myself sleep would help.

Maybe I would find answers tomorrow.

Read Ryan Cochrane’s post for CBC Sports

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Production engineer and certified swim coach. Full-time IT consultant, spare-time swimming aficionado. 2 sons, 2 daughters and a wife. President of the Faroe Islands Aquatics Federation. Likes to run :-)

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